just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
