I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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