She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
