I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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