like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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