I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
