We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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