jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
