You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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