Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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