i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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