3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
