Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
