One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The beer is more important than you right now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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