You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
