thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
