i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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