i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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