I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize