not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
