someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
