dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I need help removing her.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize