oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Drake has all the answers
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
