Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
