dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
