Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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