i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
