im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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