The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
