I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
