You work out of a Hotel?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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