I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
