apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
