So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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