I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
