too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
