I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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