it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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