I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
