Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
