I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
