The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My cat gives me a boner
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
