Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
