I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
