I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
