Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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