I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
