Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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