Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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