I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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