He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is my gift to your gina
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
