I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
