I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
