Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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