never play flip cup with pint glasses
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
