I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
