her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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