"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
