Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
