Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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