Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Holy shit dude........stairs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
