He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
