my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
