Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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