im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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