Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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