I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
