it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
