the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
