So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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