Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
