I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
