A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
