I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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