I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She told me I should be a condom model.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
