tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
