We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
