i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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