you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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