i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
