I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
