Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
