how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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