I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
