That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
