please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
