If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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