somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
