The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
