i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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